free bootstrap themes

To Work or Not to Work

Also published in the October 2009 issue of Faithlink, the magazine of Faith Methodist Church

With the birth of a child, the mother is expected to make a decision ... to continue working or to stay at home. There are some people who think that women who stay at home as full-time mother and homemaker are wasting their education and missing out on "real life." Then there are others who frown on mothers who choose to continue working for not putting their children as priority. If these children become delinquents, working mothers become the scapegoats.

To work or not to work? What is the biblical perspective? What are some practical considerations? This article (in three parts) does not attempt to give you an answer. Rather it seeks to crystallise the issues involved and help you make a wise decision.

Our Personal Circumstances

Before I begin, I like to tell you our personal circumstances so that you can discern bias on our part, if any. We had our first child after four years of marriage. Before that, Hui Meng was actively involved as a full-time staff with Campus Crusade. After the birth of our first son, she scaled down her involvement to leading bible studies in the home.

While I was in seminary, Hui Meng also had a burning desire to study so we decided that she would go to school for two days per week while I stay home with the boys. They were then about 2½ years and 1 year old. For those two days, I took care of cleaning the house, their breakfast and lunch, and the program for the day. This may include romping in our one-bedroom apartment, shopping for groceries, an outing to the park or playground, feeding ducks, chasing squirrels and watching cartoons together. For three years, I had a taste of what it means to be a stay-at-home parent.

Hui Meng, who had chosen to stay at home during the pre-school years, found that she had more time on her own now that our boys are in primary school. She therefore decided to go back to the work force. Nevertheless, she is just as committed to the boys ... sacrificing sleep and leisure to help the boys in their homework. We are privileged in that my mother cooks our dinner and I pick up the food after work. We usually eat out during the weekends. 

The Woman in Proverbs 31

Here was a woman who seemed to juggle both household chores and work outside of the home. She wakes up while it is still dark to cook for her family (31:15). She spins and weaves winter clothes for them (31:13,19,21). She takes care of herself, dressing in fine linen (31:22). Both her children and husband praise her (31:28). She was also an enterprising woman ... buying fields, planting vineyards from her earnings (31:16), selling linen garments she made and supplying merchants with sashes (31:24). She may not have gone off to an office but she definitely worked outside of the home.

My point in bringing up Proverbs 31 is not to ask you to be a "superwoman" but that Scriptures are not against work outside the home. Of course, work outside of the home then may have been more flexible and supported by an extended family. Moreover, note that she had the help of servant girls (31:15).

The Case for Working Mothers
  1. For single/divorced mothers or women in the lower-income groups, working outside the home is often not a choice but a necessity. They need to work to meet the basic needs of the family.
  2. Stimulation of work and interaction with adults ... a sense of personal fulfillment. How parents feel about their work affect their relationship with their children. 
  3. Double income = Better provision + Higher standard of living
Some personal thoughts
  • Generally it is true that when both parents work, they are in a better position to provide for their children.

    But does it matter whether our children play with a Barbie doll or a "hand-me-down" doll?
    Does it matter whether, as a family, you went to Disney World in Florida or Sunway Lagoon in Kuala Lumpur or Sentosa Island in Singapore?

    The danger is that we unconsciously teach our children to find happiness in material things. Whatever our economic status in life, we can raise happy and confident children. 
  • Sometimes the motivating factor is a higher standard of living that comes with double income. But few sit down and calculate the actual incremental income after deducting the incremental expenses of working (e.g., childcare fees, maid's salary, foreign maid levy, working clothes, meals and transportation). 
  • What actually keep mothers in the work force may be their financial commitments to pay off the loan on their private apartment, bungalow or car. The fashionable thing to do in Singapore is "upgrading" of our homes and cars. We inadvertently tie ourselves down with our material possessions. We then work out of necessity to support our chosen standard of living.
The Case against Working Mothers
  1. Difficult to juggle a job, household chores and children. Life seems to be one big rush.

    Possible solutions:
    (a) Share household chores with your husband and older children

    (b) Hire help that you can afford - For example, hiring someone to come in for a few hours to clean the house ... arranging for catered food in tiffin containers ... employing a full-time maid

    (c) Time management strategies
  2. Less time available for the children

    Possible solutions:
    (a) Hire help for household chores so that you can spend more time with the children

    (b) Maximise use of evenings and weekends

    (c) Use your annual vacation to take breaks with your children
  3. Guilt feelings for not spending enough time for children

    Answer the following questions:
    (a) Why do you work outside the home?

    (b) How are you benefiting from your job?

    (c) How are your children benefiting from your work outside the home?

The Case for Stay-At-Home Mothers

Among other things, older women are to encourage younger women to be "working at home" (Titus 2:3-5). The NIV translation is "to be busy at home".

Generally, stay-at-home mums are more committed than any paid care ... will provide more than physical care to include whipping up nutritious meals, engaging children in conversation, playing with them, stimulating their minds, developing their character, etc

It is a wonderful experience watching your child grow and develop ... you were there when your child took his first step and when he uttered his first word.

The Case against Stay-At-Home Mothers
  1. Lower income for the family

    Possible solution: Simplify lifestyle and adapt to a lower standard of living
  2. Disengagement from career may be costly ... the nature of their career or work is such that if they take a leave of absence, it is hard to return to the same line of work.

    Possible solutions:
    (a) Part-time work in chosen career to maintain links in chosen career

    (b) Plan for a shorter stint of staying at home

    (c) Work at home / work from home / set up a SOHO - small office home office
  3. Lonely and isolated ... not enough interaction with adults

    Possible solutions:
    (a) Mothers' support groups

    (b) Part-time work outside the home
  4. Not enough time for self ... everything you do seems to revolve around the children and the house. Your work is never done. You clean up one mess and another mess appears.

    Possible solutions:
    (a) Lower your standard of cleanliness ... concentrate on what's important

    (b) Share household chores with your husband and older children

    (c) Take time for yourself (daily or weekly) to do something you like ... a hobby or a course of study. Your sense of well-being affects your ability to take good care of your children.
  5. Feeling guilty for not enjoying time at home

    Answer the following questions:
    (a) Why do you choose to stay at home with the children?

    (b) What can you do to help achieve your goal in staying at home?

    (c) How are your children benefiting from your decision to stay at home? Recall and tell others of the joys you experienced as a stay-at-home mother.

Conclusion

Can we have it all ... a career, the good life and parenthood? Someone answered, "Yes. But not all at the same time. You will have a second chance to pick up and develop your career but you have only one chance to bring up your children." But when does raising children end? After the first three years? After the children have gone to primary school? Or after secondary school? There is no one answer for everybody.

To work or not to work is an issue that is highly personal. Our circumstances may restrict our options and even dictate our choice. Whatever that may be, let us not be critical of the different route that may be taken by others but seek to understand, support and help them make the best out of their decision.

Note that I have not explored fully the impact of the decision (to work or not to work) on the development of children. There are a number of factors that affect a child's development and it is not possible to isolate the impact of any one factor.

What One Reader Said

Your article helps to crystalize the issues involved and further challenges one to stop and seek answers to help oneself discover their own path. Your pointed questions, if seriously considered, aid this process. Sometimes we need to have someone else bluntly ask questions of us, ones we would so easily reason away.

I encourage you to continue to write. You are truly blessed in your ability to provoke contemplation of issues in an exceptionally candid but unfettered manner.

Lisa Streib
February 14, 1998

© Apr 1997 Alan S.L. Wong