Feelings, Empathy & Decision Making Cultivating EQ Life Transparency & Parenting Erikson's Stages S#1 - Trust vs Mistrust S#2 - Autonomy vs Shame S#3 - Initiative vs Guilt S#4 - Industry vs Inferiority Parent-to-Child Relationship Alan's Gleanings
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Cultivating Emotional Intelligence
   in Your Children

Domains of Emotional Intelligence

In his book "Emotional Intelligence," Daniel Goleman describes the five main domains of emotional intelligence as defined by Peter Salovey, a Yale psychologist.

  • knowing one's emotions
  • managing emotions
  • motivating oneself
  • recognizing emotions in others
  • handling relationships

EQ greater than IQ

According to Daniel Goleman, emotional intelligence can matter more than IQ in that

  • we can teach our children emotional intelligence skills to give them a better chance to use their genetically given intellectual potential (IQ)
  • people without emotional intelligence lack self-restraint and would just do whatever their impulses suggest. In Goleman's words, they "suffer a moral deficiency." 
  • those who are insensitive to the emotions in others will not see the need to care for others

This book is available for loan from the National Library (Singapore) and its branches. The call number is 153.932 Gol

Cultivating your EQ

Start with yourself then you can help your child.

  1. Be in touch with your own feelings ... find time to be alone, know yourself and write down your thoughts.
  2. Do not deny your feelings ... recognise that feelings are not sins. Where appropriate, share your feelings with your child. 
  3. Do not allow your feelings to dictate your behaviour 
  4. Live by faith in God and His word ... demonstrate in your own life how you manage your feelings and behaviour.

Cultivating your child's EQ

The same four steps are now applied to your child but viewed from the perspective as to what you can do as a parent.

  1. Discern your child's feelings behind his words and actions. Ask yourself, "Why did my child behave in this manner?" Listen with your eyes and see with your heart.

    Because you are in touch with your own feelings, you can empathise with your children. Emotional awareness is the first step to empathic sensitivity. In other words, if we are in touch with our own feelings, then we can empathise with others in similar situations. 
  2. Encourage him to talk about his feelings but recognise that he may not be able to tell you what he is feeling and why. Help your child to label his feelings. Accept and acknowledge his feelings. 
  3. Set limits what he can and cannot do (based on biblical principles and values) ... do not allow his feelings to dictate his behaviour 
  4. Depending on the child's cognitive development, share or brainstorm some positive steps he can take to deal with the situation

© 1999 Alan S.L. Wong