Due to ties of relationship, grandparents are probably more committed to your children compared with paid help. However, there is a tendency for grandparents to be lenient with their grandchildren. Also, they may raise your children in their own ways and religion ... ways that you may not agree with. It is hard to dictate your preferences as you are afraid of souring the relationship (especially with your in-laws). Moreover, you are dependent on them to look after your children.
Life can be one big rush if the grandparents stay some distance from your place of work. Every morning, you rush to send the children to the grandparents' home before you go to work. In the evenings, you pick up the children before heading for home. If your children are at an age when they learn through play, then you may have to ferry not only your children but some of their toys as well. However, one big advantage of grandparents' care is the flexible pickup time. All you need is just a telephone call to inform the grandparents whenever you have to work late. It is most ideal if the grandparents can cook dinner for you and your family.
By the time you reach home, it is time for bed. The next morning, the cycle repeats itself. Consequently, some parents become "weekend parents" ... leaving their children at their grandparents' place during the weekdays and bringing the children home on weekends only. When this happens, guess with whom will the children bond and whose values and religious beliefs will the children pick up?
The equivalent of neighbourhood babysitters is family day care where care is provided within the person's (sitter's) home.
The quality of child care is as good as the caregiver. How much do you know about the potential caregiver? What are her values? What is her philosophy of child development? What is the state of her health? In most cases, we know little except that she is available to look after your children at a reasonable cost.
The babysitters in Singapore are usually older women with little or no formal education. Their age may be a plus point in that they have experience in handling children. Most of the time, however, all they provide is physical care. There is no planned program for the children except lots of television.
Other plus points of babysitters are the homelike environment and the convenience because we tend to choose someone living in the neighbourhood. The adult-child ratio is probably lower than that in a child-care centre. However, unlike child-care centres, neighbourhood babysitters are not supervised or licensed by the government.
The equivalent of live-in maids is a nanny-type arrangement in the child's own home.
Having a live-in maid has the home ground advantage of familiarity and availability of toys. But being in a familiar environment may not make up for the absence of a mother who is totally committed to the child. A maid probably does not have the same love that a mother has for her own child. A maid may not allow the child to explore or be creative because she does not want to create more work for herself. The issue is duty versus relationship.
Many maids are young girls with little or no experience in child development. If the maid is lowly educated and does not speak your language then you will see the effect on your child. Language development is especially important for toddlers who are learning to talk.
The maid's stint in your home could be the first time she is away from her own home, her family and friends and her country. She is now living in a strange land where the people speak a strange language. Her fears and emotions are bottled up. She has no one to share her feelings with (if she does not speak your language). Her problems may become your problems.
There are others who adjust very well and are committed to you and your family. But you start with little knowledge except what is stated in her biodata. Even then we cannot assume that everything stated there is true. How do you verify things like mental state, attitudes, commitment, values, etc? How long does it take you to know someone enough to entrust your children into their care? There is potential for abuse and neglect if the maid is left alone with the children from the beginning. Another trusted adult (e.g., grandparent) is needed to keep a watchful eye over the maid until such time that you are convinced that your children can be entrusted to her care.
Raising obedient children requires clear rules of conduct and consistent enforcement of consequences for compliance and non-compliance. Rules are only as good as their enforcement. A maid may not have the commitment and discipline to follow through consistently. Moreover, a maid has no authority to use the rod. Children quickly realise a maid's lack of authority and they may take advantage of her. Then when the maid reports bad behaviour to you, whom do you believe?
Children do not understand the abstract concepts of provision and love but they understand that So-And-So is the one who takes care of them. It is natural for a child to be close to the maid. This results in a love triangle of mother-child-maid and the inevitable jealousy and guilt the mother feels on seeing how close the child is with the maid.
"The first time your baby turns her back on your outstretched arms to cling to someone else is like being passed over by a boy you had a secret crush on."
Sharon Loh
The Straits Times, November 16, 1998
Emotional upheaval occurs when there is a change of maids. We can take a philosophical view and say that the child has to learn that change is part and parcel of life. But is it too early for this lesson? The distress could be great depending on how close the attachment or bonding was. Moreover, the change of maids interferes with the child's development in that the new maid has to start from scratch in knowing the child.
The Ministry of Community Development (MCD) regulates child-care centres in Singapore. There are training requirements and health screening for child caregivers; stipulations for staff-child ratio for various age groups; and space requirement for each child enrolled in a centre. Thus, we have a greater assurance of the quality of child care.
On the negative side, the relatively high staff turnover is not conducive to the development of children. Children in child-care centres also tend to experience more bouts of coughs and colds as germs and viruses pass from child to child. Late pickup of children from the centres will cost you and upset your child as he sees the rest of the children leaving the centre.
The Singapore Government is in favour of child-care centres ... while there is a levy on employing a maid to look after your child, you are given a subsidy for placing your child in a child-care centre. This subsidy cannot be claimed for neighbourhood babysitters.
For infants, child-care centres are not available as an option. According to MCD, child-care operators who have provided care for infants have stopped such arrangements because they are losing money. Infant care requires a higher staff-child ratio as well as special facilities.
"There is a critical need to increase the availability of quality infant care. If parents, caregivers and policymakers are to understand standards of quality, they must first understand the development of attachment, the effects of early separations, parent characteristics and family circumstances that may contribute to insecurity, and the potential benefits of secure attachment to a caregiver. This digest discusses infant care quality and the debate on infant attachment."
The spectrum of child-care centres in Singapore ranges from those housed in the "void-decks" of HDB apartments (ground floors of public housing) to those in private residential estates and commercial premises. The fees charged for full-day care vary from S$400 to more than S200 per month.
The qualifications of teachers range from three GCE "O" level passes to degree holders. Some centres even boast of native speakers of English and Mandarin among their staff. Do these "better" features matter? Language acquisition is important for toddlers who are beginning to talk. But more important than speaking in complete sentences or with the "right" pronunciation are teachers who are keen to engage children in conversation.
Another thing to note is the separation of ownership from management in some child-care centres ... where the operator is not the supervisor. "Operator" means any person who operates a child-care centre and includes the owner, financier and promoter. According to MCD, the supervisor's main responsibilities are to plan and direct the programme of a child-care centre. MCD further stipulates that the supervisor should have at least 2 years' experience in a child-care centre or related establishment and had successfully completed training in child care, recognised by MCD at the Advance level.
While MCD seems to encourage full-time operators to attend training in child care, it makes provision for non-attendance ... stating that if the operator is not prepared to attend such courses then the operator's involvement in running the centre should be limited only to handling the finance and administration. This means that there are operators of child-care centres who know little or nothing about child care and early childhood. Their motivation in running the child-care centres is profit.
There is nothing wrong in making money because every centre needs to make a profit to continue to provide its service. But where the sole motivation is money then there is a potential problem. Often, the operator is the employer and the supervisor is the employee. When there is a conflict between profit making and child development, guess who (the operator or the supervisor) usually has the upper hand?
I prefer the situation where the operator and the supervisor is the same person ... in other words, the operator has experience and training in early childhood. Hopefully, the operator cum supervisor can balance the tension between profit making and child development.
Then there are franchised child-care centres where operations and curriculum are "standardised." They are usually launched based on the success and reputation of the first child-care centre. But note that unlike a McDonald franchise, which is based on a tangible product, child-care centres are providing a service and one thing that cannot be standardised is the service provider. Do not assume that a franchised child-care centre is the same as the original. Drop in unannounced and talk to the franchisee and the teachers of that child-care centre to find out the actual situation.
What is a quality child-care centre? How does one choose a child care centre? Child care is a service and service is highly dependent on the service provider. Physical facilities like building and equipment do not matter as much as teachers because they are the ones who interact with the children. There are teachers who are simply doing a job and teachers who love their job.
Many teachers are devoted to the children and try their best to develop them. But it is tough when they have a number of children under their care. The present stipulated staff-child ratio is 1:8 for children 18 - 30 months old; 1:12 for 30 months - 3 years; 1:15 for 3 - 4 years and 1:25 for 4 - 7 years.
It is difficult for child-care centres to be sensitive to any particular child's needs because they are dealing with a group of children. Little flexibility is allowed because group activities must be kept structured and organised. I guess one can view this situation favourably in that it helps to develop routines for the children.
Whatever alternate child care is chosen, it is impossible to pay anyone enough to get her to do what you as a parent will do for free out of love and commitment. It is too much to ask of anyone other than the child's own parents to give him a healthy self-image, a moral standard and a zest for life. While child care service can be arranged or purchased, parenting cannot be delegated.
Summary Table of Substitute Child Care